Diversity only at the First Glance

They sometimes earn doubtful looks, when they walk along the street hand in hand. She is sitting in a wheelchair, he is on foot. Birgit Habben-Kober and her husband Reiner Kober seem to be an unequal couple, but they are more affiliated with each other then it looks like. They are not only a team in everyday life but also in dancing.

01/12/2007

Birgit Habben-Kober and Reiner Kober lost old hobbies through MS but they found new ones. © Kober

When she was stumbling, they laughed about it. Birgit Habben-Kober and her husband Reiner thought it was clumsiness as they met each other 14 years ago. Then it came out that Birgit is afflicted with multiple sclerosis. This was a big shock. „The first attack was during our honeymoon“, remembers Birgit and shrugs her shoulders, „the doctor first came to this diagnosis after I had pointed it out.” From this day their life changed. Birgit had to quit her work as a housekeeper and Reiner changed his position in his company to travel less and to be more at home. Together they decided not to get children. „We had to do a lot of mourning and to say goodbye to a lot of visions“, exlains Birgit.

They know that other people look frown at them and they are considered unequal - more than ever when they walk hand in hand. But Reiner has its tactics how to react: „When we go for a walk I intentionally do not go behind her or wheel her in her chair. I am not her nurse. That is very important for our self-concept as a couple.” They do not feel unequal. The married couple does not allow that the handicap to separate them.

Like Wheelchair dancing. It brings funs and success. © Kober

In contrast - they make a virtue out of necessity and started wheelchair-dancing: Without their contrariness they would have never started with it for a wheelchair driver dances with a walker. When they are slide over the parquet everybody sees that they are different but the views are others than on the street: „On stage you earn acceptation and no sympathy“, describes Reiner. Together they are successful and teach a group of twelve dancing-couples. „ If we would do normal dancing we would have never came this far. We first started dancing when I sat in the wheelchair“, says Birgit amused.

Reiner enjoys the common experience: „Dancing means a great solidarity to us. We both set our energy into it, experience success and defeat and we are proud together.“ Therefore he accepts that wheelchair dancing is very exhausting. The normal dancing steps have to be converted for the wheelchair and it takes a lot of time to learn choreography. „Anyway I don’t have to deal with difficult step sequences anymore“, says Birgit and raises her eyebrows amused. And although the hobby takes up a lot of time they spend more time together. And if the spontaneous Birgit and the diplomatic Reiner argue like every normal couple, it is never about disability.

For both of them it is easier to endure the insidious change of MS because they make important decisions together. And they support facilities which allow Birgit to preserve her independence. „Sitting in a wheelchair does not mean to let yourself go“, illustrated Birgit determined. And this is important for Reiner: „It is easier for me to encourage her because I know that she is fighting for it. Aside from that we learned a lesson from our situation to do the things we like to do.”

REHACARE.de