„Each Child Should Go Its Own Way“ – Interview about Unequal Siblings

He has got Down’s syndrome and she is highly gifted. Brother and sister as different as they can be. The eight year old Thomas and the four year old Cosima are different from other children. REHACARE.de asked their mother Anita Kinle how living with such different kids is like.

01/12/2007

Extraordinary kids but
typical siblings: Thomas
und Cosima; © Kinle

REHACARE.de: Mrs. Kinle, do your children know that they are quite dissimilar?
Anita Kinle: Thomas hasn’t yet realised that Cosima is highly gifted. Right now she is not on his level – and he loves his little sister idolatrously. In contrast, she has already realised that Thomas is different when she was one year old – than she looked at him as if she worried about him. She feels that he has limited abilities.

REHACARE.de: What’s your reaction on such feelings?
Kinle: If I realise that Cosima worries about her brother I tell her that I am the big one of us and that I take care of him. We talk frankly about such feelings. And then she calms down.

REHACARE.de: Do both of them get special support?
Kinle: Thomas goes to a regular first class for visual impaired pupils for he can only see 15 percent. Cosima visits a kindergarten for highly gifted children. In the usual kindergarten she was unchallenged. Now she really has fun.

REHACARE.de: In which kind of things do they differ from each other?
Kinle: They have absolutely different interests. Cosima loves crafting and is creative, likes singing and building things. And she has a preference for foreign languages. Thomas is a computer fan - he reads, writes and counts with it. That’s also the place where he goes to when he sometimes cannot keep up with other children, for example in running games.

REHACARE.de: Do your children have problems to get to know other children?
Kinle: No. Both of them have friends. The neighbours’ children even cheered when Thomas learned how to walk.

REHACARE.de: Do other people sometimes look at them in a strange way?
Kinle: They don’t look at Cosima. Sometimes people who don’t know us look at Thomas. If they don’t stop it I talk to them and explain why Thomas is different. In fact it was me who was locked at while I was pregnant with Cosima. People asked shameless questions like if I knew if the second child was okay and if I had done an amniocentesis – as if that would have changed my decision to get the child.

REHACARE.de: Do you think your children behave differently from „normal“ siblings?
Kinle: Not really. They play together, most of all role playing games. Right now, their puppets have birthday, like we do. And they fight even for the toothpaste – typical siblings.

REHACARE.de: You surely have a lot to do with these unlike characters?
Kinle: You grow into your tasks. The most difficult time was when Thomas was born. You have to take care of so many things when your child has Down’s syndrome. For this reason we attended a lot of trainings. At home it is important to us that each child gets time alone with us parents each day.

REHACARE.de: Do you think your children will always get on with each other as good as now?
Kinle: I think it may be difficult if Cosima will someday start meeting friends at home and exclude Thomas from it. I’m not sure if he will understand that.

REHACARE.de: Can you give an advice to parents with one disabled and one able-bodied child?
Kinle: Each child should go its own way. And the able-bodied child should not have to worry about the disabled one. In a family you should deal frankly with each other and explain things which the children don’t understand.

REHACARE.de